


An Unexpected Burglar

by dawnlight



Series: The She-Hobbit Chronicles: Love and Drama all the way to Lonely Mountain [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: F/M, cause it's still bagginshield, fem!Bilbo, fem!gandalf!, gandalf is a witch instead wizard, onesided! everyone x bilbo, the dwarves fond of bilbo's breast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:26:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3882274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnlight/pseuds/dawnlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We need a burglar.” Gandalf said, “A female one, because there’s no way I’ll travel with a bunch of dwarven lads only by myself.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dazzling Host

[(here is reference for Bilbo's dress)](http://www.gophoto.it/view.php?i=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/de/43/26/de43262fbbb92f699aacc874d0b59684.jpg)   


 

 

 

*

Prancing Pony, Bree

*

 

“We need a burglar.”

Thorin watched the middle-aged witch who sat across him. From what he saw, she looked like sixty in Men age, but he afraid he need to add a thousand more, due to the depth of wisdom in her gaze. Gandalf the Grey her name, a wanderer witch who had became his father’s friend and trusted to keep a map to secret door within the Lonely Mountain. She came to his table and asked him to hold a quest to conquer Erebor. He wanted to refuse her, said that he already had a decent life with his family in Blue Mountain years after years he spend doing labor to feed them. However, Gandalf reasoned to him that she could feel evilness tried to crawl back into Middle Earth and she afraid if a greedy dragon became the part of it. So Thorin said nothing and listened as she explained about the requirement of the quest was a burglar who can wander inside Erebor unseen and unfamiliar to the dragon, “a female one, I hope, because there's no way I'll travel with a bunch of dwarven lads only by myself.”

Thorin scrunched his face in annoyance. There’s also no pleasure to travel with old woman –especially someone as moody as Gandalf- at least for him.

“I can recommend our female guard to be the burglar if that what you wished for.” He suggested.

“No,” Gandalf gave him a pointed look, “a dwarf can't do the job. We need someone lighter and smaller so they could move swiftly and be untraceable by the dragon. We need a hobbit.” The word brought Thorin attention at a certain occupant on bar table who was twice smaller than any men in this room. Gandalf looked at the same way, and she muttered with, “yes, that's a hobbit. But the one I want lived in Hobbiton, so you better gather your company and meet me at our burglar home by early summer.”

 

*

Bag End, Early Summer

*

 

As always, Bilbo started her morning by opening her door, just to see basket of fruits and pies and cakes from her suitors lined in front of her house. Lately, as her 33th birthday was closing by, people started gossiping about who would be lucky enough to marry her. Was it with any of gentlefolk of Hobbiton, or one of her relatives in Buckland? Gentlemen of nearby age came to her door, asked for a proper court but she answered to them none yet, only be thankful for their attention and kindness. It didn't sound like rejection so most suitors turned into secret admirer and left hearty gifts on her front door almost every day.

The amount of suitors she had also became hot gossip around the market. Each time she went there, young lady from any family gave her odd look while whispering to their friends. She knew what they’re talking about, it’s easy to guess since most suitors only after her wealth and the less was her cousins who knew her for a long time and thinking marriage won’t change anything in between their friendship.

Today, she was picking the fruits and examined it with happy smile at the sight of fresh tomatoes, when a tall figure in pointy hat and grey cloak stood by her fence. She looked at the figure and greeted with a cheerful, “Good Morning.”

When there’s no answer except for a flat stare, she walked at the fence, “Can I help you?” she asked the figure, whom revealed as a grey haired old woman.

“That remains to be seen.” The old woman answered calmly, “I’m searching someone to share in an adventure.”

Bilbo eyes blinked in slight interest, as if there’s a tick in her mind which didn’t match at all with her entire appearance and her way to live. However, she killed the spark by smiling unwillingly and said, “I can’t imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventure.” _I would_ , a little voice in her heart shouted, only to be silenced by her pursed lips, before she murmured, “it made you late for dinner.”

She stared down at her tomatoes, wondering if she could make tomato soup for dinner. _Or I can go to market and buy a fish,_ She wet her lips. A grilled salmon sounded like a grand idea right now.

She looked up and her eyes widened to see the old woman was still standing in watch, “uh…” she couldn’t find any suitable word to say so Bilbo asked if the old woman wanted to come inside for tea and perhaps a bite of breakfast. “I felt like I know you.” Bilbo lied, she didn’t know a thing about this woman, but what harm can cause by old woman who needed staff to walk? “But I don’t remember name.”

“I’m Gandalf.” Thankfully, the old woman revealed herself cause the name rang a flash of memory in Bilbo, “and Bilbo Baggins, I respected your politeness despite you forget about me completely. So it was decided. It'll be good for you and most amusing for me. I'll inform the other.” The witch –now Bilbo remembered she’s a Witch and very famous with her fireworks- then stared at her house, "Expect me to come for afternoon tea.”

“W-Wait.” Bilbo said a bit stutteringly from shock, “I don’t want any adventure.” As she said it, her step slowly brought her back to her door, “B-but…” she cringed at the cold glare from Gandalf. “But you are welcomed here at tea time. Good Bye!”

And with that Bilbo closed her door, forgetting the remained gifts outside for a moment and caught a breath in relief only after she saw Gandalf left her yard. “What a scary old woman…” she whispered, didn’t aware the fate has been written by a strange sign on her green and round door.

 

*

 

Wednesday Evening, Bag End

 

*

 

Dwalin was irritated. This land was too soft, too peaceful, too plain and fragile for his taste. As he walked through the Hobbiton, he could feel gaze all over him, from the grass, the bushes, behind the low fence. It's very annoying, that he rushed in his walk untik he reached a house with a dwarvish sign on its green door. He entered the front yard and then cleared his throat in readiness before he knocked.

He spent a moment in wait, but his dwarven blood already counted it as eternity. He had to manage his knuckles to the sides in case he started banging at the door like crazy.

“Yes?” The door cracked open and Dwalin held his breath at the sight in front of him. He was almost two hundred years old. He saw many bosoms and had many good times with them before. But these ones, which belong to this petite and young she-hobbit, could make him stunned in awe, especially when she had not expected someone to visit, cause she's only in a low cut night gown and a silk robe hung around her shoulder.

 

“D-dwalin.” Dwalin huffed at his voice turned a bit shaky from nervousness. “At your service.”

 

She gaped as he bowed. No, not to peek at the low cut gown to measure the size of her bosom. He's very well kept his eyes to the ground.

“Oh...” The girl immediately tied her robe and bowed in slight awkwardness, “Bilbo Baggins, at yours...” Dwalin almost groaned in her presence. She was intoxicating, from her clueless whisper, her curios eyes and her noble stance, with straight back and chin-up. though she was still standing in confusion over his arrival and it didn't reassure him for that the way she stood exposed her bosom a little bit too much than they should.

 

“Do we know each other?” She asked while stepped back and let him in.

 

“No.” Dwalin stared at her, as hard and cold as he could so he don’t have to think what else which made Bilbo different, both as a woman or as the hobbit. “But I was being told to meet Gandalf here.”

 

“Gandalf!” She chirped happily, startled Dwalin as well as leaped his thumping heart. By the Durin beard, this woman is dangerous for his health! “Yes, I had appointment with her, but it's in the afternoon and she didn't come.” Bilbo explained, as she led him through the hallway. Dwalin said nothing in return, only gazed at the wooden structure of the house, found no interest with the architecture cause he merely want to stay away from watching Bilbo. Or feel interested with the young lass. Or both.

“I'm sorry.” Suddenly her face appeared in front of him, caught Dwalin off guard as the man unconsciously stared at her partially visible chest. _These cute little bosom_ , Dwalin sighed mentally, as he immediately averted his shameless gaze to face the apologetic Bilbo, “I don't know Gandalf will come with companion, so I don't prepare much.” She grabbed him by his arm, he spent the next minutes battling with his ownself whether he should yank the small fingers away or just let it be. He's still shocked to know he's THAT obsessed with her bosom.

 

“Please sit here.” Bilbo motioned and Dwalin was glad his attention was diverted to a plateful grilled salmon rather than... a-suitable-place-to-bury-his-beard, wait, no. It must be something-to-forget-this-instance. Yes it’s a better definition. So he began feasting on the fish and when it surprisingly tasty, he enjoyed the meal -or snack - and let himself be comfortable in the stranger house.

 

“Are you alone or perhaps Gandalf still intended to come?” She asked from somewhere. Dwalin hummed into the fish bone, didn't care to even answer her.

 

At least until he saw her bosom-no! Just her! No addition! Dwalin saw her showed up again with proper clothes, though it made no difference at all with before. Dwalin mourned at her blue and yellow lacy bodice which cupped her bosom nicely. _and those really are nice bosom._ He thought.

 

Dwalin groaned. He felt sick with himself.

 

She answered it with a kind smile, “Do you want more?” Bilbo asked, “How about some seed cakes?”

 

“Aye.” He took one -maybe three- and stuffed the seed cake hungrily into his mouth. Bilbo watched him from the seat across the table with honest pity flashed on her face, “long journey to come here, isn't it?” She asked softly. For a moment Dwalin reminded himself, as rustic and harsh as he looked, he's still a Captain Guard in Ered Luin. He had manner.

 

“There are thirteen dwarves to be meeting Gandalf here.” He informed, “I'm the first to arrive, but soon others will fill your house.” He couldn't believe he returned the pity smile to now paled hobbit, “So you may need more than two hands to help you preparing for a feast.”

“A feast?” Bilbo whispered, “but-…”

Just then, they heard knock.

 

“That would be the door.” Dwalin stood from the table, “go get them, Miss Baggins, let me see what you've had in your food storage.”

 

*

 

 Bosom.

 

It's a very insensitive word to say, especially coming from someone at his age. Even just by thinking of it as the door answered his knock was way too impolite. But Balin can't help it, for it has been years -hundreds- since he had woman's heat around him and he never saw such a pair crafted perfectly on a woman before. It made his face eyed the owner, who had curly hair as bright as gold, hazel eyes and rosy lips which became the contrast of pale skin. She was lovely, small and decent built as any hobbit folk, with shimmering freckles spread like forever pink blush tinted her cheeks. _So lovely_ , his mind repeated.

 

“Balin.” He broke a moment of silence by bowed politely, “at your service.”

 

“Bilbo Baggins.” Even her name rhymed, Balin was sure Bofur might create a love song from it.

“Good evening.” She said and with confusion Balin checked the cloudy night outside, “yes, yes it is.” The old dwarf smiled at her, “though it might rain later.”

“Really?” In flash, she was already near to peek up at the sky and Balin froze at smelling the flowery scent from her hair. It's not much to break his sanity but he’s still close to it. Only the sight of Dwalin wandered in the hallway with a cup of ale saved him from assaulting Bilbo scent by inhaling too much of it.

 

“Dwalin!” He immediately greeted his little brother and left the she-hobbit behind to talk privately with the bigger dwarf in the food storage.

 

“What do you think about-...”

 

“Her bosom? They're incredible.” Balin frowned at hearing the wrong guess from Dwalin. He was about to ask about his brother impression about their host, but well, if he's not the only one who noticed, then he didn’t have bosom-disease. “I saw her in her gown.” Dwalin sighed in defeat. “She's not expecting us to come, so better made her seated to calm her down.” After the younger fill the cup with wine, Balin took it and bring it to Bilbo who was on her way to check on them.

“Ah, Miss Baggins, please, take a seat and have this.” The dwarf asked her to sit by a living chair in the parlor room.

“Thank you. I really need this.” Bilbo took a gulp of the sweet wine, and sighed in relief as she asked, “may I know why you had to meet Gandalf here?”

Before Balin could explain, Dwalin appeared holding a chair, “Balin, help me with the table.” So the older smiled apologetically at Bilbo and left her with her drink. By the time they heard another door knock, Balin and Dwalin was too busy in the storage that Bilbo had to stand and opened for it.

 

*

 

“Fili”

 

“And Kili.”

 

“At your-“ the boys already put the most charm into their greet, but their mouth left hanging open at the sight of Bilbo, staring back at them with her sparkly eyes and luscious pink lips. “Bosom…” Kili muttered the words under his breath, too stunned to even blink. Only a jab on his chest startled him and he exchanged gaze with his brother, who gave him a look of, _‘seriously?’_ for his outburst.

Kili bit the inside of his cheek, ashamed.

 

“Bilbo Baggins.” She delivered her name with a small smile, “Nice to see you. Please, come in.”

 

“Where's everyone?” Fili muttered while sauntering into the house. The older lad looked around and nodded in acknowledgement, before turned at their host who waited them with strained smile, “this is a nice house, Miss.”

A smear of proud blush appeared on her face, and strangely clenched Kili heart, who became statue at the open door. Never in his life before he was attracted to someone. Some Dwarven ladies confessed to him, asked him to court, but he couldn’t feel the same with them. Or to anyone else.

“Yes. My father built it to my mother, as wedding gift.” Bilbo told Fili as she helped the lad stripping from the travel coat and pointed where Fili could place the swords. Kili pursed his lips at the sight.

“Really?” Fili chuckled, “Are they joining us for dinner?”

“No.”Hurt flashed on the she-hobbit face as she smiled sadly, “They’re passed away a year ago.” She paused to gasp out her bitten lip, as if it could ease away the stinging in her chest. When Kili looked at her face closely, he was aware the lips are trembling.

Fili said nothing to her, apparently only rose a hand and wiped away the upcoming tears from her eyes. Bilbo choked a little laugh, apologized for shedding tears in front of her guests. Fili only smiled, a very unlike _him_ to care, but then Dwalin come to check who’s coming and Fili immediately disappeared to the hallway with the others.

 

“You’re not coming?”

 

Her voice snapped Kili from watching. Between outdoor and indoor they stood, eyes locking to eyes. She judged him thoughtfully, while he took in every detail of her beauty though his favorite was her bosom-wait, no- her ears. She had pointy ears, like Elf, and it was so fascinating that Kili suddenly touched one of them.

“Ah!”

Kili immediately regretted his action when she moaned. With red face, he retreated his fingers close to cover his now thumping heart while muttering sorry for his rudeness. By Mahal He didn’t know the ear was so sensitive!

“I forgive you but please never do it again.” Just like him, she had red face, probably ashamed from both being touched and escaping such blissful sound. “Just come in.” without explaining why she bothered with the touch, she moved to a side and let him went past her. He opened his mouth to say something, but his mind went blank when their eyes met again. She waited him to talk and he waited her to hit him for his rudeness, but then she blinked and smiled,

 

“You are handsome for a dwarf.”

 

Kili heard those words like thousands times from any ladies he knew, but never once it stabbed right into his heart, creating a burning hole in the middle of it, that his happy grin appeared so wide until his face hurt and his inner laugh kept trying to choke him with joy. “And you are my cutie pie, Miss Boggins.” He took her fingers and brought them to his mouth for a peck.

 

“It’s Baggins.”

 

Bilbo yanked her hand before it even touched Kili’s stubbed face, yet her smile turned into playful giggle as she left him to the hallway. Thinking no straight refusal from her, Kili watched her back with stupid grin still decorating his face. Slowly he traced his palm with the fingertips, recalled again the soft skin and warmness from her smaller ones.

 _Maybe she will be loved_ , He clenched his palm, as if he could grasp her presence into his mind and catch her shadow to fill the hole in his heart.

 

*

 

“Our host was so sexy…” Fili said absently, as he helped sorting the dining chair. His eyes stared at Bilbo who was busy in the kitchen by herself, heating the food and prepared some simple yet tasty dishes within the short time she had. Soon, the kitchen filled with the homemade scent of fried sausages, baked potatoes, loaves of bread and plates full of cakes and pies that the dwarves sometimes had to distract her with small talk so they could steal a cinnamon roll –or three- . But as attractive as it looked, their dazzling host gained better interest in Fili mind rather than the delightful supper. To her adorable appearance and especially the showy neckline cut which giving him the very best view and feed him with not-so-platonic imagination about the bosom. Bilbo shall be proud of of herself to make Fili became this hot and cold about her, because so little things interest Fili so far the blond only loved ale and bar brawls and sharpening his daggers.

 

“Had to agree with that.” Balin placed a bowl of fruits in the middle of long dining table, along with sliced ham, cheese and chicken. “Must be because of her youth. She was so full of spirit.”

 

“Hmph.” Fili sipped the ale from a lone cup on the table, said no more and then went to the kitchen to find Bilbo was sitting by the remained chair. She looked awfully beautiful with her curly bangs stuck to her sweaty forehead and short breath escaped her gaping lips. She was staring at her stove while holding a half-bitten cupcake. Even the host apparently wasn’t immune to the temptation of her own cooking.

 

“I’ve never plan a feast in my life before.” She started and Fili raised his eyebrows in amusement for she knew he was here, watching. “True I know how to cook, but all credit goes to my parents. My father was a great cook himself while my mother was a great host. With them as together, our family became well-known because of our grand parties.” A solemn smile was all she had when she told her tale, “but it’s greedy if now I wished I could be like both of them.”

 

Fili approached her before he even think about it. Got surprised with himself cause he knelt in front of her and took her cake, “hey.” The blond haired dwarf snickered, “You don’t have to do anything alone, nor like you had to be someone else except yourself. That’s impossible, Miss Bilbo.” With that he stuffed the cake to his mouth and walked away. No, he didn’t mean to say his words because he wanted to steal the cupcake though he didn’t regret doing so cause it really tasted wonderful.

 

At that moment, Bilbo reminded him of Kili.

 

Now, as he saw his brother approached them to be an eager food taster, Fili stared at her merry interaction with Kili and decided to look after her for a while, cause _who knows?_ Maybe someday, Bilbo could be as important as Kili to him.

 

*

 


	2. Regret and Hate

 

*

 

Bofur hated it to be a dwarf. At least for this moment, when he was trapped between the door and impatient dwarves companion. They just rang the bell, yet they made fuss about it like it was happened an hour ago. He got elbowed and pushed, and as if it's not worse enough, someone opened the damned door and make the entire of them tumbled on the floor. With him at the bottom and Bombur at the top of everyone. Imagine that.

However, the chattering noises disappeared as one by one stepped back to their feet and exchanging whispers between brothers. When Bofur stood again, apparently he knew the source of attention.

 _What a bloody pair of bosom_ , he thought as the owner of such delicious and inviting fleshes stood in front of the door with a bashful smile and a welcome greet of,

 

“Bilbo Baggins, at your service.”

 

Apparently the party started without them, as they saw their host was giggling merrily. She was drunk and Bofur couldn’t help but snickered at how lewd her greet sounded. Judging to the rest of his companion face which turned into darker shade of red, he bet he’s not the only one who had dirty thought in mind.

“Are you sure she should come with us?” Bofur asked Gandalf as the other dwarves greeted Bilbo back with ultra-politeness and unexpected shyness, even from sneaky Nori. “I don’t think she’ll survive a day with a dwarven lad, hence in the wild with thirteen dwarven lads.” His gaze focused to Bilbo Baggins again, more exactly to the alluring bosom, thinking why they’re so attractive. They’re just a pair of bosom, really. Every lady in Ered Luin had them, some are bigger and better in appearance. Yet Bofur had to admit, he really loved to see this she-hobbit and her petite figure and her cute bosom. “She looks…”Bofur shrugged, “I don’t know… too soft and cuddly?”

 

“Do you talk about her or her breast?" Gandalf scoffed.

 

“Well,” Bofur shrugged again, “both, I think...”

 

Gandalf only stare at him, before her expression loosened into cold chuckle as she followed the commotion of dwarves entered the house, “fine then. How about this? Touch the host and I'll make sure all the dwarves started their quest with head as bald as eggs.” The witch said playfully, but to anyone who heard it, had enough to sober up from the delicate beauty of Bilbo Baggins.

 

“Come on, Bilbo. It’s not wise to be a host and get drunk in the same time.” said the old woman while dragging Bilbo to her room.

 

“Gandalf, you’re late.” She giggled.

 

“I’m not.” The witch reasoned, “I’ve come when it’s my time to come.”

 

“Ppftt, you are full of excuses, Gandalf…” If only Bofur could see her face now, as she was already disappeared behind the bedroom door, the dwarf was sure Bilbo will pout and stuck her tongue at the witch. His gaze stared at the closed door, before a tug on his side reminded him that he was standing in the middle of hall with hands full of a big plate of lamb legs.

 

“Hey are you going to eat that by yourself?” Called Bombur while passing him. Bofur chuckled lightly as he entered the hall full of merry dwarves who took everything within their hand reach to fill their hungry stomach. They traveled here for days and while the inns had decent food, free meals usually tasted the best.

“Have you seen her _‘things’_? I don’t know about you but I’m so nervous when I’m around her and had to see _‘those’_. Feel my pulse!” Bofur raised an eyebrow when Ori talked animatedly to Kili while forcing the brunette to check the pulse on the wrist. The youngest in their company so far was blushing all red already before even dare saying the blasphemous word out loud.

 

“The bosom you mean?” Bombur who sat next to Ori commented, “I had bigger.”

 

It was not really a good sentence to say. Not when half of table was gulping their ale. Many almost choked to death, though all shall have nightmare tonight.

“I agree.” After wiped _his_ mouth from the strange taste of ale in the throat and shuddered at the vivid image of Bombur exploited chest, Fili suddenly say, “I watched her for a while now and all I can say is she was somewhat amazing girl.” Dreamy gaze was the young lad had in the eyes, sent a ticklish feeling to smear on Bofur skin.

He really needed to say something before the tickle turned into uncomfortable itchiness, “Well, have you decided she’s yours, then?” his playful, yet mocking tone set the tense around table. It’s like an open war of feelings from every side. All shall admit they had interest with Bilbo, or her bosom, or both. Even Fili turned grim in response.

“She won’t come with us and neither of us will be back here, I am sure.” Fili answered in careful tone. “What’s wrong with expressing my fondness to her?”

“Not offending you for that.” Bofur said, cause truthfully he was puzzled with himself right now. Why he should be angry with Fili, just because Fili had good say about Bilbo. It’s not like he knew her much to care for her, except that she was such an eye-candy for sight. “Just wondering how greatly she changed you.” _from a bratty crown prince who cares nothing except for_ his _own pleasure, into a defender of a hobbit lady,_ added Bofur mentally.

 

“That’s enough.” Kili interrupted, “we all love to see Miss Bilbo, and Fili was right, she better stayed, we preferred to see her stay here, out of wild and danger. No point of arguing about whom she belong.”

“Not to us.” Gloin said thoughtfully, “Mahal forbid us to bound with other kin,” when everyone else gave the red beard dwarf a pointy look, Gloin added lamely, “Well, sort of.”

“Still, she was so pretty.” Nori smiled and for once in a life time, Dori agreed with the mischievous little brother as the older dwarf nodded in understanding.

“Aye, criminal yesterday, a love-struck boy today?” Dwalin snorted in tease over the thief. Nori answered with wider grin, “You really wanted to chain me, don’t you, Captain Guard?” asked the dirty blond haired dwarf with a nasty purr and an irresistible wink. At least Nori thought it’s irresistible while others wished to wash their eyes with acid.

“Actually, I’m more into cut your head. It has been ages since the citizen reported that they’ve been tortured to see your starfish hair.”

“It’s the part of my charm. I can’t help it!”

 

Bofur sighed. Dwalin shall just screw Nori now or the company had to suffer the sexual tension in between them all the way to Lonely Mountain. And it’s a very long journey, especially when there’s no bosom to see and play with. He doubt this quest allowed them to stay by inn hence giving some privacy for release.

 

“Gandalf,” Dori asked, “do you think Miss Bilbo will come with us?”

 

Gandalf appeared by the arch, along with Bilbo who smiled shyly in apology for her drunken state a while ago. Now she was cured by a potion Gandalf made. Her presence softened the air as well as the roughness of the dwarves. Everywhere Bofur found his companion had fond gaze over her, even Fili smiled like love-sick fool. He wanted to laugh it out, but she refused a seat on the head of table and took an empty chair next to him, and suddenly he was electrified by her radiated warmth and alarmed with the attack of her scent, telling him the beauty of the sun, the wind breeze, the green hill, and wild flowers spread in numerous colors.

Bofur never felt this pathetic to be born as dwarf. But the charisma of Bilbo Baggins blinded him from reality as he kept his eyes to her frame and kept a foolish smile plastered on him. He was no better from Fili, at this state. Only Gandalf words startled him from fancying Bilbo, a moment later,

“Nothing has been decided so far, as not all of you were here.” Said the witch while sweeping her gaze towards each dwarf at the table. As if knowing who Gandalf implied to, Dwalin answered with, “he'll come. He just needs to stop by our relative in the north.”

 

“Good then.” Gandalf smiled in gratitude, “Now let’s eat, Bilbo.” The old woman said to the dazed and nervous she-hobbit, “dwarves had appetite as big as their greed for gold so you don’t have to wait for them. Eat now before they finish it all.”

 

“Gandalf!” Now Dori shouted in protest, apparently the proper couldn't stand such accusation, but Gandalf only laughed and so the tense from a while ago gradually melted. In no time, Bilbo joined Bofur’s game of throwing cheese and boiled egg at Bombur, see if the dwarf could catch it.

 

"Ready?"

 

She will stand when she had to throw. Her eyes became sharp and her lips will be bitten into a mischievous grin. She will bend her upper body a little, moved the curly hair to hung loosely above her chest, making some bigger and rustic hands itched to braid the golden strands, putting colorful beads on them or just simply feel the softness. Then, as Bombur managed to catch, she’ll laugh in joy and everyone in this room agreed, it sounded like a best thing they’ve ever heard in their lives.

 

“Hooooo...”

 

He was too mesmerized by Bilbo’s beauty, Bofur only realized he was serenading her while he’s at it.

 

_Bring the knife, cut my flesh_

_Take my heart, hear the beats_

_Break my mind into abyss_

_That's what Bilbo Baggins wishes_

 

All of sudden, every dwarf chorused together. Bilbo who heard it, clapped along with giggles forever decorated her adorable face that at the end of song, she was leaning to Gandalf side, had trouble breathing from too much laughing.

 

“Miss Baggins.” As the euphoria from the song slowly cooling down, the Captain Guard stood and cleared his throat, “We had to admit something.” Dwalin said to her softly, and Bofur watched as she sat up straight and waited for the words eagerly, “Since our arrival, we are tempted with... some uncovered part of you...” It’s unfair how most eyes tucked down to stare at the table and most faces and ears covered in red blush, just because of Bilbo’s bosom, while the owner only blinked in confusion.

 

“Excuse me?” Bilbo asked, “What’s wrong…” she looked down, tried to see anything strange and found nothing, “I don’t understand what you mean, Master Dwalin.”

 

“Your bosom.” Bofur whispered to her with a drunken smile. “Have you ever imagined how taller kin looked at yours? Even by slightly, we all taller than you so,” he couldn’t help but chuckling at seeing heat now spread on Bilbo face, “we saw more.”

“Don’t get us wrong.” Dwalin immediately said, “Our women had the same manner of dress as much as yours, yet we found this as culture shock because right now you dressed so…” Bofur almost laughed to see the Guard Captain suddenly at loss.

 

“Naughty?” He suggested.

 

“Fascinating?” Fili tried to help.

 

 _'Beautiful...'_ Bifur said.

 

“Ah! The point is!” Dwalin grumbled frustratingly, “We're sorry. For staring and can’t help but craving-”

 

Just then, a three knock on the door distracted everyone from the moment.

 

*

 

Thorin wondered why he had to agree to meet here, in the first place. They can always hold the meeting in Ered Luin which saved everyone from traveling from Blue Mountain to this strange land of green and peace. He used to be in the wild and preferred to live between stones in the mountain, when he had to face farms and rivers and forests, it's always easy for him to get lost.

Just right now. How hard it was to travel from Bree to Hobbiton? As far as his knowledge, he'll be arrived in around ten days or more, and that's by walking. With pony he shall be faster but no, this is the tenth day and he believed this place was cursed cause the time he arrived at Hobbiton, he got lost between round doors and bushes and missed the meeting point. Twice.

Bofur song led him to the hill. For a moment Thorin stood by the fence and smile to himself at how foolish he might look from both lateness and having no sense of direction. He entered the front lawn and stood by the door, waited the song until it was finished, cause by Mahal he shall not interrupted a dwarf song. It’ll only make the song replayed and added with more verses.

 

His hand traced the mark on the door, before he knocked three times and waited. Just like the previous guests, Thorin had patience issue. He disliked waiting, it made his palm itched to just grab the knob and invited himself in. But he had no good news on him, so at least he could keep his manner intact.

 

Yet the door opened to a pair of bosom.

 

Only hundred years of training could keep him from salivating at such perfection. He couldn't even stop gazing at the lady who stepped back after opened the door for him. Mahal, why he had to stare at her bosom in the first place?! It’s like there’s no ending of this cursed land and the strange –beautiful- halfling and the halfling’ perfect bosom.

 

“My dear Bilbo,” Thorin only startled when he heard Gandalf softly introduced the she-hobbit to him, “Let me introduce you, this is Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of our company.” As if on cue, Thorin finally saw everyone was here, staring in between him and Bilbo. His jaw hardened in annoyance, knowing that some of them didn't even hid snicker on their face because he was expected to fall into the dangerous magic spell named Bilbo the she-hobbit.

 

“So...” But as soon as his gaze returned to Bilbo, everything around him became blurry, as if there's invisible wall to separate them from others. “This is the hobbit.” He didn't even aware he's already towering over her, staring down with no blink.

“No,” Gandalf interrupted with a mix of amusement and annoyance in the witch’s face, “That’s the hobbit’s breast, Thorin, and I swear you’ll burn a hole in there if you keep staring like that.”

 

They’re coming out as soft, reassuring whisper, but the words sounded like harsh thunder hit Thorin chest. He blinked just as his gaze fixed on green-brown orbs which belong to the blushing Bilbo, feeling the heat also started to steam into his head. It didn’t feel better when he heard the she-hobbit gasped with,

 

“Is there something on my chest?” asked her warily to Gandalf and the company.

 

“Nothing, Bilbo.” Kili kindly answered to her, “you just had nice bosom.”

 

“Very nice indeed.” Mumbled Gloin, tried to be half-hearted but apparently said it with astonishing tone.

 

Thorin stared at his company wide-eyed. Is this quest wasn't anymore about conquering bosom... Uh, he means, conquering the lonely mountain?! Anyway, what's wrong with this she-hobbit and her bosom? They’re not big and fatty as what every dwarf preferred. Or every mankind must desire. They’re just in the right size and cuddled with right lace and belong to the right person. They shaped her into a very innocent and pure being, yet in the same time making her presence so provocative, like the breast were also begged to be watched over as well as having him touched and smashed and marked them with his dirty, calloused hands.

“You stare again.” Bilbo low murmur made Thorin hated her. Yes he hated her now, he will hated her forever if it could stop this storm in his heart. So he averted his gaze from the bosom -though he deeply regret it- and joined to where his company had the food cause food could be good distraction from any bosom now.

 

He sat at the head of table while everyone else took their previous seat, except for Bilbo. She cooked him a stew and gave him a plate of chocolate cake to chew in wait.

 

“So, how was it?” Dwalin asked.

 

Thorin who was in the middle of biting his cake glared at his childhood friend while murmuring, “I'm not going to say one word about her bosom.” His answer made almost all dwarves returned him a clueless look, except for snorting Bofur.

 

“I was about to ask about the meeting in Blue Mountain.” Dwalin flat answer made Thorin face reddened in fury, half because of an unbearable shame, and the rest was because Bofur now cackled into airy laugh though Bombur kicked the lad under the table to sober _him_ up. If Thorin didn't had contract on each dwarf in this company, he might slay Bofur already for such imbecile act.

 

“Here’s your stew.” As if there’s not enough misery caused to him, the said bosom reappeared next to his seat, so close that they brushed the long braid on his sideburns, alerted him to straighten his back and hitched his breath. He wished her to leave, gone hiding in the closet until he departed. But that’s not how the world work. Mahal loved to torture him for his entire life, so why bother to ask for mercy when he had to suffer having Bilbo stood next to him.

Someone at the table cleared their throat to snap Thorin from staring at her bosom, all over again. With a frustrating scowl, he wiped his gaze towards the crowds of his companions before he took the stew bowl and drinking it up, ignoring the burning feels in his throat due to the hot and sourness of the tomato soup. It’s awful for that it was so tasty yet he preferred to slam it down his throat with no appreciation. So he placed the empty bowl and turned to Bilbo merely to ask for a second load, hopefully in larger container.

 

“So, you’re going on a quest?”

 

Now, as content as others after feasting on the whole stew added with some cheese bread and a tankard of refreshing ale, Thorin finally willing to converse with the member of his company. At listening to their conversation, Bilbo asked him with interest, averted Thorin gaze from the crowd and pierced straight to her.

 

Until she cleared her throat, “You’re staring again.”

 

Thorin inhaled such a heavy breath as he reluctantly move his eyes from her bosom and gazed into her hazel orbs, “It’s hard not to.” He admitted, finally tired of deflecting the temptation, “when you had to dress like…” he held his tongue before he regret the words that ought to come out.

 

“Like what?” Bilbo eyes narrowed, taunting Thorin to say the word that has been passed quietly from his blue eyes.

 

“Now, now. This is not the time for argument, especially not about dressing manner.” Gandalf kindly interfered before any mischief erupted in between Thorin and Bilbo. The old witch tapped Bilbo shoulder to calm the lass, “Thorin is right, Bilbo.” He blinked in surprise to have Gandalf defended him. Something just didn’t feel right. “These poor dwarves had seen breast too much for a night, while they _hardly_ interacted with ones at daily occasion.  Some even had less than a glimpse in their life time.” just as he feared, Gandalf won’t just take it easy without mocking them, so Thorin could only sighed again as the adult dwarves around him began shouted in protest to Gandalf while the younger one turned as stiff and nervous as implanted stick on their chair.

“However.” In response to the chatters of the dwarves, Gandalf eyed each of them in warning gaze, “this is Bilbo home, she had right to dress like she wanted and as her guests you shall respect her by keeping your lust to yourself.”

 

“We don’t have intention to disrespect her.” Fili answered a bit sulkily.

 

“I think her dress is so lovely.” Balin added with smile.

 

"What? Who's commiting robbery?" Oin asked in confusion, faltered the sunny smile on Balin face.

 

Dwalin poured ale into Oin's ear trumpet while laughing, much to please the older brother.

 

"Maybe we should lock Thorin and Bilbo in a room." Nori suggested with a wink to Thorin, and here Thorin wondered why he needed Nori in his team. Of course, he considered to have Nori as burglar if the she-hobbit didn't agree to the recruitment. Still, he saw no relevance between the quest and the matter between him and Bilbo. "See if they settled this tension between them so we could go on with the quest."

 

"You can't do that!" Ori said in panic, "That's improper!"

 

"Yeah, you can't do that to Bilbo, Nori! She deserved better!" Shout Kili.

 

"Who's better than Thorin?" whispered Dori in confusion but nobody heard and nobody cares even if they heard.

 

"Yeah, why don't you screw Dwalin instead?" Bofur pointed at Nori, "saved trouble for everyone."

 

 

In no time, there's chaotic scene which expanded from the suggestion to lock Bilbo with Thorin, then moved to bother with catch-me-if-you-can relationship between criminal and authority, then as the commotion grew, the topic blurred into shouts both in Westron and Khuzdul. Thorin had to snap, reminded them that they are more important matter than who's first provoked a bar brawl in men village, or why Bombur stew yesterday tasted like earth and clay.  

'Hhhh...' However, his attention diverted when the she-hobbit shook her head  at the sight in front of them, 'dwarves...' that's all she said within a defeated sigh, before she made her way to kitchen. With the quarreling dwarves in his background and Gandalf who watched merrily while smoking her pipe, Thorin slowly stood and make his leave.

 

*

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how James Nesbitt played Bofur character, so fun to write him, and please imagine Richard Armitage and his deep voice talking about Bilbo's breast kyaaa


	3. Of the Madness

 

 

_Why dwarves had to crash my house?_

 

Bilbo watched the broken plumbing in her bathroom with frown. She looked at her beaten-up sink and cringed as she walked through muddy hallway. Oh, this will take forever to clean, she thought sulkily as she slipped out the house and sat by the front bench.

She sucked a deep breath, inhaling the summer scent all around her to ease her grumbling heart. _It’s fine_ , she told herself. The broken could be fixed and the mud could be cleaned. But the moment of joy tonight was irreplaceable so she won’t be bitter about the consequence she had to face in the morning.

 

“Ah, Bilbo?”

 

Paladin Took was passing by her house, in the middle of night.

“What are you doing?” Her cousin leaned by her fence, curiously asked her. She would ask the same, but found it unnecessary since she knew Paladin was the reason behind fresh tomato in front of her door each Wednesday.

 

“I’m taking a breath.” Bilbo replied, “Sometimes I need it after having nightmare.”

 

The dark haired lad laughed airily at her, “then, what kind of nightmare tonight? I hope it’s nothing about giant pumpkin, like once you’ve had before.”

“That’s twenty years ago.” Blush of embarrassment heated her face as she pouted in displease, “and it’s not nice, to be crushed under _the pumpkin_ all night which turns out it was your sister’s dead weight. I thought I’m really done.” However, since laugh and happiness are contagious, when Paladin only laughed even harder she found a sheepish giggle to form on her face.

 

“Miss Baggins.”

 

Just at such right moment, Thorin appeared by the front door, eyes staring intently at Paladin and her, but the defense to the emotion was thick, unreadable, so Bilbo stood and waved his dazed cousin a good night. “Ah, actually I have guests tonight, it’s Gandalf and her dwarf friends. Will catch up with ya later, I promise.”

“Okay. Have fun.” Paladin waved back, before the Took’s boy realized, “wait. I’m here to give you this.” Yet something happened as Paladin exchanged gaze with Thorin because her cousin only cleared his throat and whispered grimly, “uh, never mind. Good night, Bilbo.”

“Good night.” Bilbo smiled, clueless to what was going on. She asked herself that as she went past Thorin and silently entered her house.

 

“A nightmare, Miss Baggins? So that’s what you think to the rest of us?”

Bilbo froze on her feet when he heard low growl from the brunette. She twisted her body, with her small palms clenched her apron in order stop herself from slapping Thorin. For hobbit standard, Bilbo was blessed with a great endurance and respect towards others even if accusation never rang a nice bell to her ears. Yet she had too much of it now that her eyes twitched dangerously as she replied with a sarcasm, “well,” she crossed her hands around her chest, “obviously you’re not a Prince Charming riding white horse.”

There's snort could be heard somewhere.

 

“No.” Thorin deadpanned and Bilbo was sure she jabbed someone’s pride as the dwarf stepped in and close the door behind him. Eyes never stop intimidating her, daring her to retort. But then Bilbo squeaked when her back pinned to the wall and now she realized how dangerous to get cornered by someone as frightening as Thorin.

 

“I ride pony.”

 

Huh?

 

For a moment Bilbo was puzzled. She eyed Thorin, studying the fierce façade, then ran her gaze at the midnight blue velvet he wore and sparkling metal embroidered to his armor coat. It’s no clothes for peasant, she was sure. Bilbo dared herself to imagine what had been hidden inside the thick layered clothes and with that she gasped, “So…” Bilbo returned to stare into the blue orbs and disappointed that the dwarf preferred to glance at her chest. “You’re really a Prince?”

“Not the most charming ones, indeed.” Thorin eyes snapped at hers, and why she felt more awful from before, like she was getting stripped naked and had to do nothing except to stand and presented herself for Thorin to enjoy watching. “Though I doubt you’ve ever seen one.” When a small smirk formed at the corner of Thorin lips, Bilbo heart collapsed and probably pooled down between her feet. She hugged herself even tighter, refused to admit that she’s not so different with any young lady who got swooned over handsome face and deadly smirk.

 

“Where are you from?” she breathed the words, “and why a Prince coming all his way here?”

“I'm Thorin, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, the rightful heir to Erebor, the Dwarven Kingdom in Lonely Montain.” Every word magically implanted into her mind and crafted into her soul, made her heart thumped harshly. She was suffocated by the tightness in the air, could do nothing aside keeping the glaring contest between Thorin and her. The prince again waited for another remark, but she preferred to hold her ground, cause it seemed matter the most to survive through the night with her heart still in a piece. So when Thorin muttered again, she listened, “I’m here with my company to hire you as our burglar. If you had no intention to care a bit with our quest, then tell me now so we won't waste our time explaining and take our leave.”

 

A sudden pang hit her as she sounded out her disappointment, “You’re going to leave?”

 

Bilbo didn't have idea why hatred flashed in Thorin deep gaze, or why the dwarf had to hate her when he titled his head and clashed their lips into a deep kiss. For a moment Bilbo tensed in a panic, struggled at the intrusion but strangely, as much as she feared it, she also wanted it to happen. The cages around her body loosened as she leaned into the touch. Her fingers raised to hold on Thorin and suddenly she was already clung to him because she never kissed anyone this mad and never had a mad kiss before in her life. She was hurting, to get smashed between the wall and Thorin’s heat, yet in the same time, it felt so dreamy and so right, if she had a chance to sit down and write what she felt right now, she will laugh in shame over the cheesiness of her own words.

“Miss Baggins.” Her name, whispered in between their moistened and bruised fleshes, scented in sour tomato stew which only made Bilbo shuddered cause now she believed she loved tomato more than ever. “Stop being a distraction.” Said the prince, Bilbo wondered if it's to hurt this already suffering heart but no, as the rough fingers ran a healing touch on the softness of her breast, she whimpered in bliss.

“So rude.” Bilbo whispered, “I welcomed you as distraction.” It was true because of the feast and the dwarves and the kiss, she could stop spending the night in loneliness and having a restless sleep because of fearful nightmares. She was an heiress of Baggins. She had to live through many expectations. She had to be strong and capable, even as an only girl living the shell of lonely Bag End. On her shoulders, she had responsibility to take care of what’s left from his parents and keep it from the prying hands of greedy Sackville-Baggins.

“Miss Baggins…” Her name was being called again, husky and deep the voice of the dwarf in front of her that her knees trembled at the ticklish sensation streaming through the veins in his inner legs. She let out a silent moan, when Thorin engaged him into another kiss. In another occasion, Bilbo might laugh at the dwarf for the confusing act. There’s no reason to kiss her if Thorin hated it. There’s no reason to hate her if Thorin wanted this.

 

“The matter is settled, I hope?”

 

Gandalf voice sounded from the arch. It startled both Thorin and Bilbo and hued her entire body in sporting red, “uh, I guess.” She was released from the prince and now facing the company with awkwardness. She opened her mouth to say sorry but then she said something else instead, “wait. A burglar?” she asked, “what kind of journey needed a female burglar?” The dwarves didn’t dare to answer her, only pointed their gaze at Gandalf while silently passed the same question. “and I’ve never steal anything in my life before, so I don’t see it relevant to hire me as one.”

 

Surprisingly her concerns drew a small chuckle to form on Thorin face, “yes I can see that. More like princess than a burglar to me.” the rough fingertips rudely brushed her swollen lips.

 

“Stop it.” Bilbo yanked the finger away from her face.

 

“Uncle!” Kili hissed desperately, “How could you disrespect Miss Bilbo like this?! We look after you like our own father!”

Thorin returned him a flat look, much to annoy the nephew as Kili roared to the royal advisor, “Master Balin, please do something about him! He’s turning mad and we’re not even start the quest yet!”

Balin stared at Kili then turned to Thorin, before the old dwarf sighed, “I’m afraid, laddie, there’s nothing we could do. As you can see, all of us got under Miss Bilbo charm at the first step we took into her house.” As he said it, Balin smiled apologetically at Bilbo. It melted her heart with pity, that she moved to give Balin a comforting hug, which, of course set everyone else into seething madness.

 

“That’s unfair!”

 

“What? Why she hugged Balin?”

 

“Hug me too, Bilbo!”

 

“ENOUGH!”

 

Gandalf finally roared. She caused the commotion to stop and the noise died down, before the witch pried Bilbo away from the males and led the she-hobbit back to the dining room. “This can’t keep going on.” The witch said in worry tone, “you’ve had to be fierce to them, Bilbo. Don’t just get melted by simple apology and thanks. You are safe in the circle of your neighborhood, but the world ahead was dangerous. You’ve had to be careful.”

“And you want me to go out there? Hadn’t I said I don’t want any adventure?”

“I know.” Gandalf seated next to her at the table, “But think about this. What will happen to you if you locked yourself in this house full of memories? Is that what you want? Living your future by reminiscing your past? You won’t be a better person. You’re only getting more broken and barren in your grief.”

Bilbo bit her bottom lip. She stared at Gandalf, then as Thorin joined to sit close to her, accompanied with Balin and Dwalin, she took a deep breath and then whispered, “fine, I’ll listen and I’ll consider it after hearing the tale.”

 

Gandalf finally smiled again. The witch rubbed Bilbo’s back reassuringly, “So, far away in the north, in the heart of lonely mountain, there was a home for a greatest Dwarven Kingdom named Erebor...' _She_ started _her_ explanation with a tale of gold and wealth and the arkenstone, the heart of the mountain. Then the witch revealed about dwarves and their greed and their gold-sickness which drawing bad omen in shape of fire, dragon and desolation.

At the end, Bilbo gazed at Thorin and couldn’t help but pitied the prince for living far away from home. Unconsciously, her fingers snaked through the wooden table and put them on the top of Thorin’s. They’re so tiny and flawless to compare with the prince’s bigger ones, since never once she had tasted hard work except for doing simple chores and cooking. Thorin blinked at her touch, but let her patted his reassuringly for a moment or two.

 

“That’s why we need a burglar and I can think of none aside Belladonna Took’s daughter who was a curious wonder in her younger days.” Gandalf said, “She might grow to be a nice lady, as her father always wanted, however, I know she worth more than she deserved. I know you’re a right person for this journey, Bilbo. I can feel it in you.”

 

Bilbo scrunched her eyebrows. As much as she flattered with Gandalf words, she also worried with her fate, “are you sure? I’m not a fighter, not really a wanderer and definitely not a burglar.” She then asked Thorin, “and what makes you think I’ll be going?”

 

Without breaking eye-contact with her, Thorin asked the advisor, “Balin, give her the contract.” When Balin passed it, Thorin took the letter and casually slipped at the cleave between her breasts.

 

“Could you please not...” Bilbo gritted her teeth in annoyance but Thorin only smirked at her, so Bilbo grumbled lowly and began opening the letter. It's a very long contract, and Bilbo scanned through it until the end, before she flipped it again neatly and gazed back at the dwarves who watched her in a mix of emotions, except Thorin who enjoyed staring at her chest again.

 

“How about it, lassie?” Asked Balin, “will you come with us?”

 

If only the dwarves understood the gold mattered so little to her. It didn’t worth her life, the fourteen share of Erebor wealth, if she had to face the greatest calamity in this age named Smaug the Terrible. But what she’ll going to do, if she refused the offer and stayed here. Married to a gentleman and having many kids and then growing old with regret to never step outside Hobbiton and know nothing about the whole world?

“Miss Baggins.” She felt a finger traced her golden hair, “if we conquered Erebor, I'll dress you in gold and braided your hair with the emerald and sapphire, then I’ll seat you next to me in the throne room, so everyone know how noble you are to share an adventure with me and my company.” Whispered Thorin darkly.

 

Bilbo gaped.

 

“You.are.sick.” She whispered grimly. She removed Thorin’s hand from her curls and stood facing the rest of her guests, “I will help you.” She returned the contract to Balin without signing it, “Just keep me alive and unharmed. I would like to return to Bag End in one piece, please.”

 

The dwarves exchanged gaze to each other in confusion and as usual, only Gandalf had a gleaming smile. Bilbo must provide much amusement for her.

 

Thorin muttered, “But you had to sign the contract.”

 

“No, I'm not coming as your employee.” Bilbo turned at Thorin. Her face was stern, “I'm coming as Gandalf friend. So I don't have obligation to obey you.”

 

“Then how we could trust you?” Thorin asked.

 

“You don't have to.”

 

*

 

“Why’d you do that?”

 

He admitted, their host was somewhat pretty, though he doubted there’s anything more inside the gentle she-hobbit. So it surprised Nori to witness how Bilbo confronted Thorin with this devilish snicker and wicked gaze on her face. She wasn’t weak, not even slightest dense as he assumed. That’s why it roused curiosity in him, that’s why he asked her when she led him to his shared room with his brothers.

 

“Do what?” Bilbo threw back the question.

 

“Refusing the contract. You don’t want gold?”

 

She blinked and stayed dazed for a moment before answering, “uh, I don’t need gold. But Gandalf was right. I need to get out of this house once for a while.” A longing smile plastered on her, “I’ll think of it more like vacation than job, so it’ll be less stressing to me.”

 

“But it ain’t any vacation.” Dori who listened to the conversation reasoned to Bilbo, “This is a dangerous quest. You’ve could be dead, Miss Bilbo.”

Bilbo stared at Dori, “well, that’s what I told your leader. In exchange of the useless fourteenth share he promised me, I only need him to keep me alive enough to return home.” To the gaped dwarf, Bilbo added with chuckle, “I know how gold means so much for dwarf. But to any hobbit, to me, my life is the most important. To put it simple, I can’t eat and drink as much as I want if I’m not alive.”

That’s a foolish thought, Nori said mentally, though he didn’t find any wrong in that. So he said no more and silently watched Bilbo and Dori as his brother asked, “Then what if you want to buy a cow? You need a lot of coins to buy one.”

“Why would I buy cow if I could buy their milk or meat in the market?”

“She got a point, Dori.” Ori whispered lowly.

“But that’s absurd. I’ve never met someone who doesn’t want any gold. Even the Elves-…”

 

“Well you have met one now.” Nori wrapped the talk with a sheepish smile addressed to Bilbo. “Thanks for the chat, Missy. Try to have a good night sleep. There’ll be long until you find such privilege again.”

 

“I guess you’re right.” Bilbo nodded. “Good night then.”

 

After she left them, Nori rested on the bed, waited in the darkness for everyone to sleep, before he walked in the dark hallway and checked each occupant in every guest room. Not their well-being cause that will be creepy, but to their belongings, if they brought anything that could interest him. None so far, most dwarves had as much wealth as him –which means not rich at all- though the royal siblings each had token from their mother, Lady Dis. Sat watching the boys spread on their spare beds -with only underclothes, their armor and coats and boots spread everywhere in the room- Nori played with Kili’s stone, wondering what will happen if he _borrowed_ it just for small fun.

Yet he reminded the special condition he had to obey in the contract, that if he was found out stealing from the company, even for pranks, he’ll be dismissed from the quest and marked as criminal.

Nori didn’t mind to be a criminal, but he can’t stand losing his share of gold. So far it’s the only motivation he had to be in this boring quest full of loyalty and royalties.

 

“We have to talk.”

 

Nori perked up at hearing the hiss from the room across the hall. Even in low grumble he knew the voice belongs only to their leader.

 

“I’m sleepy.” Replied a soft groan. Bilbo. “Can’t it wait when I’m less… sleepy?”

 

“No.” Thorin deadpanned. “What happen before, it need clarification and I need it now.”

 

“Uh, what happen before? I’m sorry, I’m halfway to my dream now, and my memory messed up… upmh!” When Nori stood in the darkness of the hallway, he watched Thorin grabbed Bilbo by her arm and forced a kiss to her. She struggled in protest at the beginning, but after she realized it’s not working, she melted into the kiss and let Thorin devoured her till it’s over.

 

“Now,” Thorin said harshly due to short breath, “are you ready to talk or do you need more to clear your mind?”

“I knew exactly what do you mean.” Bilbo sighed, “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why?” Thorin asked.

 

“Of course I know you’ll want to clarify that it’s nothing and you only acted out of desire, because obviously you desired me, since you hardly stare anything else aside my breasts.” Then the she-hobbit started to rant, which magically stunned Thorin in daze. “In the other hand, I’d like to think of it as a romantic experience that I’m kissing someone for the first time and the person was a Prince from a faraway Kingdom, though he ride pony, not horse, and he’s more like grunt than charming.” Bilbo paused for a moment, before she smiled coldly, “nope, I don’t want to hear anything from you. Not about the kiss, not about what you feel from it, so, good night.”

 

Apparently closing the door right in front of Thorin face wasn’t a right choice, because the brunette snapped because of it and decided to kick it open before barged into Bilbo’s bedroom and into Bilbo’s private life.

 

Nori stayed there for a moment, listening to the writhing protest and the sound of locking lips, intended to help Bilbo if Thorin did more than Bilbo desired. He’s no nobleman or gentleman, but he found himself attracted to Bilbo though it’s not as hard as crush. He liked the way Bilbo looked, the way Bilbo spoke and laughed, and he didn’t mind to share one secret or two with her, if it needed, cause she look capable of bearing it. He loved woman, their body anatomy for exact, yet this is the first time he cared with their feeling, he felt obliged to protect them from harm.

And if Thorin couldn’t keep his promise to return her home, then Nori will do that, for no price, except to have Bilbo smiled and laughed at him at times they traveled together as the part of the quest.

 

 

*

End

*

 

 


	4. The Rising Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was torn in between posting this or not but now it is, please enjoy reading the bonus chapter

 

A few hours past midnight, Ori woke up at the hammering sound somewhere. He yawned and walked to the door, only realized it was locked -Nori did it for absurd paranoia of having someone stealing their belongings or killing them in their sleep- and then walked through dimmed hallway to find Thorin was fixing the bathroom. “I think it's too early to fix anything yet, Master Thorin..."

 

“I can't sleep.” Thorin muttered. “I’ve had nervous wreck, probably too excited for the journey. Might as well I’d do something to distribute the energy.”

 

Ori looked around. True they made the house turned into mess. So with no more words, the youngest dwarf took the mop and began cleaning the floor. Bilbo as the owner of the house already treated them with good food and went along with them without complaining about their roughness. She was so nice, Ori couldn't help but smile cause her presence reminded him of childish and fluffy things like cotton candy and cakes.

When he passed an open door –it’s broken-, his eyes widened to see Bilbo, sleeping soundly under her duvet. For a moment Ori stood, watching her sleeping face with thumped heart. He knew some beautiful dwarven ladies back in Ered Luin. He loved one or two of them, but he never thought he'll be so fond of other kin. He saw elves, and just as confusing as dwarves, all their ladies looked like the males and so the otherwise. But Bilbo was a girl. Anyone could point it out from her face, her clothes, and especially her...

 

Ori cleared his throat, suddenly returned moping the floor with now heated face cause he did stare at her bosom and he agree with others that they're really incredible bosom.

 

"What are you doing?" Bofur peeked from a door.

 

“Just repaying the hospitality.” Ori said.

 

“Oh.” Bofur replied by slammed his back to the bed and returned sleeping. Ori just shook his head before he found Gandalf was sitting by the window while smoking her pipe. “Gandalf, you’re not going to sleep?” He asked kindly.

“I was, before your leader thinking it's necessary to make unnecessary noise at dawn.” she answered broodingly, before take a look at what he's doing and sneered, “how nice of you, Ori. But you can stop and maybe prepared for your leave. Let the magic do the rest.” She waved her staff, performed a simple house-work magic to levitate furnitures to their previous position, disappearing the mud from carpet and fixed the broken ones. Then the old witch returned to smoke her pipe again, somehow she turned cheerful at hearing Thorin cursed from the bathroom.

 

As the first streak of sun rising on the land, Ori entered the kitchen to find Bombur and Bofur made breakfast while his brother prepared some tea and coffee as the starter for the day. "Morning Ori." Dori said merrily, "do you want a cup of tea?"

 

Before Ori could answer, a flash of white walked passed him and his heart tightened at the sight of Bilbo in her night gown, eyes still drowsy and curly hair messy from fighting with her pillows. One of her pale shoulder was shown and had her pale skin exposed under morning light.

 

Ori immediately reached to sit on a spare chair before the attack of her ravishing beauty stumbled him on his now weakened knees. 

 

"Good morning." Bilbo nodded at the stunned dwarves in the kichen before she entered the bathroom, only to yell at Thorin who was bathed without minding closing the door. She rushed out again with flustered face, "By the Valar! I forgot there are dwarves in my house!" in panic she tried to fix her improper attire and bed hair and run back to her bedroom all at once, that Bofur helped by slinging a random coat to cover her and dragged her to sit at the breakfast table.

"Calm down, Bilbo." Bofur asked her to take a deep breath and then exhaled it slowly to clear her mind. Beside her, Ori was hyperventilated because Bilbo was sitting next to him and all he could think was, _She's so close! She's too close! She was THIS close that she could see my eyes rudely stare at her chest! Mahal help me!_

"Thanks." Only when Dori placed her tea and then his, he heard she murmured lowly. Bilbo sipped the tea and sighed in relief. "Eru please forbid me to ever see a dwarf naked." She whispered to herself with face gradually turned red again, before she absently glanced at him and smiled a little, "sorry, I don't mean to offend."

"Not getting any offended." Ori shook his head repeatedly, more likely too nervous because Bilbo was actually talking to him. "I also prefer to see no dwarven lads naked."

Bilbo giggled, "of course." She nodded before she sipped her tea again.

 

"I already fix your bathroom." Behind her chair, Thorin grasped each of her shoulder while whispering huskily. When Ori felt a little scandalized to see Thorin near Bilbo with only wearing trousers, he was surprised because Bilbo did nothing to the hands on her shoulders. She only looked up and stared at Thorin thoughtfully.

 

"I don't ask you to do that." She smiled a bit, "but thank you."

 

 _Wrong_. Ori tempted to reveal to Bilbo that the credit of fixing her things goes to Gandalf, since all Thorin did was hammering through the plumbing like it'll solve the problem. But he held his tongue cause it’s a indeed a good morning and he didn’t want to ruin it by having Thorin burning him with deadly glare. He just sipped his tea and thanked Dori to put a mountain of scrambled eggs and ham onto his plate.

 

“Say, Miss Baggins…” When Thorin took a seat across them, still shirtless, the leader gazed intently to Bilbo, “why are you wearing my clothes?”

“oh, this is your coat?” Bilbo sounded displeased, “I thought it’s _nothing._ ” her sarcasm might sound funny if there’s no strange atmosphere suddenly fill the air. Everyone thought Bilbo might ditch the coat and then left to take her own robe, but she remained on her seat and remained wearing it. Even Bofur nudged Ori and whispered,

 

“Just for your information, Virgin Ori, this is what people call ‘sexual tension’…”

 

Ori blushed, “I know what it was.” He whispered back, eyes still watching in between Thorin and Bilbo, “but how do you know I’m still virgin?”

The sound of Bofur’s laugh that day snapped Bilbo and Thorin from their heated moment and probably scarred Ori for a life time. _Never ever be a dense dwarf_ , he scolded himself and he put a big blame of this immaturity to his age.

 

“We’ve had to discuss your clothing, Miss Baggins.”

 

After a while having their breakfast in silence, Thorin started a conversation with Bilbo again. “Our women wore male clothes during traveling to protect themselves from unwanted harm. I suggested you to do so.”

 

Bilbo only shrugged and dipped her fork into her maple coated pancake.

 

“Is that yes or no?” Thorin asked a bit cautious.

 

“It means I don’t care.” Bilbo said, “I’ll consider it, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be one of ‘your woman’.” Again, the air around them felt so thick and heavy with swirling emotions poured from Bilbo. She definitely had much more to say, but she preferred it to let them out from her every pore. How she managed to do that, Ori didn’t have a single idea.

 

Apparently Thorin understand –that’s new- because the leader chuckled lightly at Bilbo, “That can be arranged, if you want to be my woman.”

 

“In your dream.” Bilbo spat.

 

“So you want to be in my dream too? I can’t control dream but I’ll try to keep the request in mind.”

 

“Excuse me?” Bofur halted Bilbo from any retort she wanted to say, “Please. If this is the part of foreplay, do it somewhere private. We’re all trying to eat here as well as coping up with broken heart.”

Bilbo fixed a hard gaze on Thorin, before she finished her meal and drowned her tea in one gulp. She stood in rush, but still manage to answer when Thorin dared to ask where she's going.

 

“You don’t have to be so kind to me.” Bilbo pointed at the leader, “Since you’re leading an important quest and you can’t have me distracting you from your _holy_ duty. So now stop pretending that you care, cause I don’t wear anything beneath my gown and I’m felt assaulted already to have my breast hanging without protection in a house full of males!”

 

Those were enough words to make Ori and Dori choked to near death, while Thorin could only blink in shock and Bofur laughed hilariously at watching the reaction. At least until Bombur said thoughtfully, “I know that feeling.” As if the people in this room had not scarred much, Bombur said it with honesty in his tone.

 

“Please don't say more.” Ori pleaded to the cook. “Please I don’t want more nightmares.”

 

*

 


End file.
